He was my first, but he isn’t my last.

 My first love was someone who made me the quirky person I am today. About 4 years ago, I fell for my best friend who I friend zone for 2 years. He was the only person I constantly revolved my high school life around. But here is the story…

He was a guy who annoyed me and tried to find many ways to get my attention because we had 6 out of my 8 classes together. I am really grateful that he had to courage to annoy me for 2 months. I didn’t realize he liked me at all, and that was the sad part. I was already caught up in crushes to other guys. Well in this year, he became my best friend. We did pretty everything together. I couldn’t even imagine a moment of my freshmen year without him. Then by sophomore year, after his first relationship in HS ended and my first one started, something happened. I started to notice I was flirting with him back, and that he would do anything as long we were together. We pretty much glowed in each other’s presence. He was my first love from that year on. My happiness was him. I would laugh the most around him. Yet, there were a few things I would say looking at it now made me see he wasn’t the one.

First: the chemistry

He and I had the hardest time making things feel “right”. He felt great touching me, but with things like kissing, we just didn’t fit. It felt sort of forced because we already fell for each other so much that we made that part work. We socially and mentally worked perfectly, but physically I have felt so much better. When we first kissed, it was horrible. It should’ve been a signed, but it wasn’t.

Second: the timing

I was with someone when I realize I was starting to fall for my first love. I didn’t realize how much until I was with my  first love outside of school hours. It wasn’t right for me to want him when I was with someone else, but it happened. The entire time I was wanting him I should’ve realize it wasn’t right to do that. It was a bad beginning for the both of us.

Third: what we wanted in life 

We both wanted a future of all sorts. College. Career. Marriage. Kids. We wanted it all, but we didn’t get along with the small details. I wanted to be a housewife after the baby is born till they are 3, and he wanted me to work full time. I wanted to raise my kids without a faith to follow, and he definitely wanted them to go to church. It was just completely different things, and that should have been a sign.

These are such huge things that should have been red flags, but they weren’t. I am however so appreciative of that romance because it helped me find my love today. He was a huge part of my development in life. I will always be grateful for him. Thank you, Ian. 

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Clothes. Makeup. Boys. Family. Life. School. My life in a few words.

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