If you’re in a long distant relationship like me, there a lot more hard times oppose to good times especially if you know how long it will be for each other to be together. Well here are the things I always myself before I decide if I should cut myself off from him, which is what I am about to do.
Are you fighting by yourself?
I constantly ask this to myself. I think that it’s about time to not talk to him anymore when I am the only one talking. If I’m the only one caring about how stable and open the relationship is, then I should stop talking to him.
Would I be happier if I didn’t have him around?
When you’re in a relationship, it is hard to think to think that life would be easier if I didn’t have this person right now. If for a second things would be so much easier for you, then obviously something isn’t right. You need to think about the fight. Was it you who brought up the problem? Did he bother to care enough? Did he only makes excuses? Was your partner caring about how much hurt you’re going through? Is the issue your bringing an “only you” issue?
Do you need some peace?
If you’re literally driving yourself insane, that is enough. You need some me time.
Is your partner unreliable?
It’s quite an easy question to answer. If he is making himself available and there, then maybe you can let something slide (if it isn’t that serious of an issue, and think about how serious the issue is). Him being there and SO EASY to get in contact with you is so important. It’s hard. If you ever have to put yourself in a situation where you need to vent and he wasn’t there, then you had to run to someone else. Then, it isn’t you. If it’s something important to you and you need a real shoulder to rely on, it shouldn’t be shameful if you get what you need.
Are you fighting for some other grudge or did your partner do something you didn’t like so much?
In reality, if your partner did something horrible (believe me I can relate), then you would want to rethink about the situation. Are you mad at your partner for more? Are you mad for the past? Was this something you’re insensitive to because of the past? If your ex did something like this, would you react the same? You really have to think about whether the past is affecting so much about you. If so, then you have to talk about it. It’s not something that will go away, if you haven’t notice.
Were you so spoiled in your previous relationships to where you can’t tell what a “typical” relationship expectations should be?
If any of you girls had ex-boyfriends like mine, you always need to think about how your past relationship expectations impacting your current relationship. This is a different partner. Discover what are things with this guy (or girl) that is an absolute no and what can be tolerate with boundaries or even better you can learn to have coping skills for situations like this.
Are you lying to yourself about the situation?
If you’re anything like me, then it is easy to let go because you don’t like conflict. Well, in a relationship, conflicts will happen. You need to think about whether or not this is one of those easy situations you can let go. If you think yes, now you should think about are you giving your partner too much benefit of doubt. Too much of that will get you in a situation like me constantly. Your partner might not take you so seriously anymore because you constantly make so many situations a battle but you’re always the one to surrender. Now if you said no, then good for you. I wish I could always say no. I can easily walk away from fights and situations that really upset me. The trick I am quickly learning is that there are some easy battles that you shouldn’t just walk away. Your partner forgets your heart and loses some respect (even if they don’t notice). Have enough power to tell yourself it’s okay to walk away but it’s also okay to look “crazy” to him (or her) to prove this is important to you. Craziness is subjective not objective.
Does this make you question what kind of person he or she is?
Seriously, if a situation bothers you so much that you even change how you view someone, it shouldn’t be treated lightly.
Is your love the reason why you “let everything go”?
Now, when we let things go, we never actually let everything go. There is always something behind. If you love someone so much that you would do anything for them, you have to think about as if that’s the reason you’re always surrendering. Sometimes, surrendering is great in love. Other times, it can do nothing to a relationship or make things worse. For me, a lot of the time I use my affection and love as an excuse to let things go. When in reality, I knew how much it bothered me. This is usually something that you should think about as far as cutting him off. If he (or she) is allowing this to happen, then he (or she) isn’t really understanding what is bothering you. If he (or she) isn’t able to sit in and realizing by letting you let go means that you’re settling, then your partner is never thinking in your perspective.
Are you hurting yourself more after every battle you’re surrendering?
There are fights that are like hitting a fly. You constantly attack that fly over and over again. That fly is not understanding that it’s not okay for it to be here. (IF this makes sense) You are constantly fighting with the fly over space… Anyways, although you’re not fighting with your partner for space, you’re actually getting the same exhausting battle. This exhausting battle should be a HUGE sign that it’s about time to cutting him (or her) off. If your partner is not seeing that this is constant and hard battle with them, then they will never get it. It really should be obviously when the topic is brought up over and over again. If it is brought up over and over again, then it should be fixed. No one should be fighting over the same topics over and over again. Certain things should only be said so many times before giving up. This is a situation where you should give up. The only person who is getting the pain and suffering is you. If you the person cared at all, then they woud be able to sense this was something important to you. If you had to spell out every single time (and it gets over 5 times of this repetition), then it’s time for this to be the reason for cutting him (or her) off.
I think I love my partner so much. I would do anything for him, and in the process, I have lost a part of me. I have given away my will to express and sit through my issues. That shouldn’t have ever went away. Now, I have to fix that. I am going to let him go.
Author’s Note: Please feel free to express your views or similar situations. I don’t bite, and I would love to discuss these kind of things. Like if you want me to do things like this more!