To 18 Year Old Me

Hey girlie,

You’re talking to 21 year old  version of yourself. Don’t be scared. Don’t run away from this. I have a little insight about what life has for you.

I am sure you are really busy with those college applications, do that college board test. You’ll come up with most out of nowhere colleges for you.

For the college applications, just do a small colleges. You might LOVE the big city, well just any city lifestyle, but you’ll learn more about yourself at this small college. Let me tell you. You might see Roanoke College on your list and get freaked out. Remember the time in study hall where Michael helped you picked colleges and Roanoke College came up again. Honestly, I would say still apply to it. It’s a bit bizarre how much that school showed up after it came up in that quiz. Now, you already know you wanted to be a psychology major, but man, be prepare to question it sometimes.

You will LOVE criminal justice, and it will end up being the struggling factor in deciding what you will want to do with your life. Just wait though. You’ll take 3 classes in college that will change everything. (Interpersonal Relationships, Human Sexuality, and Abnormal Psychology). You will realize your love for all things psychology, and you’re pretty good at it. Also, you love the psychology department there, and don’t quit on it. It will be worth it to strive through the rough 1st year there.

Also, High Point is a great college, but they didn’t give you any money. So, just don’t even try… Just I don’t know apply for UTK since everyone you know applied there even though there’s supplements.

It’s okay to not go to prom. I know you are already thinking about it. You didn’t go. You honestly didn’t miss much. The best part you let one of your close high school friends go with the guy who asked you to prom. You will always be happy with this decision. You aren’t the party girl, and you knew that early on.

APPRECIATE the hell out Theater related anything. Your relationship with that theater group and actually anyone in Brown’s class will change your life. You will learn to be open minded. You will get funnier, and more importantly, you will do things you NEVER thought you would get involved with. It honestly changed your life.

LOVE the hell out of Landon and Da’Vyea (go contact him- I know right now he isn’t talking to you). These are the two rocks of your life. These two guys remind you even at the worst of times that YOU CAN DO BETTER whether it is in a relationship or just in school. They are very accepting of you, and I can proudly say they are still in your life today.

Hmmmmm…. What else could I advise you on?

Oh well, after you finish up on those college applications, you will meet him. Yes, HIM. He will change your life for the next 3 years, and by the end of those 3 years, you will be glad that you picked college and did that. He will FALL really hard for you, but don’t be moved by this. He will bring you some of the best memories for you. He will open you up to many things, and you will grow up quicker with him than anyone else you have ever met. The biggest thing is don’t get hurt when he leaves you. He will leave you. He will want more than you could give although you warned him about the distance. He will hurt you more than anyone else. He will love you in the worst ways possible by making you feel like the one at fault all the time, blaming you for the fights, and most importantly, make you feel less you.

He will take away your pride, confidence, and self-esteem. He won’t even care how much damage he has done to you. He will walk over you and forget that you have an equal say. He will make you feel like shit for having a voice. He will boss you around and NEVER care about you. He won’t care. Stop caring about him the day he does to Italy because he will become a change man. He won’t be worth the sex you will give him during the time he will fly to see you in October that first year of college. Honestly, those months of skyping, face timing, and texting will be the best. It only get worst after that. It will quickly spiral into many horrible things. Although you won’t break up with him because you can see yourself having his babies, you will get to see Italy and Paris because of him. He will bring you there, and selfishly, he will take care of you. Just take it because it’s a free trip. Keep in mind those that you can always make a better trip with someone else. AFTER this, break up with his ugly ass. YOU HONESTLY can do SOOOOOOOO much better. He isn’t even all that great.

Now, I know you can’t see this happening but you’re going to get involve into some shady and messy stuff. You will have the biggest thing (as I’m sure you already building a crush on him right now) for your ex’s best friend. He will end up being a guy you want more than you want your future boyfriend. He will make you realize that you want to be in charge and that you want sex just as much as anything else in the relationship. He will show you that you’re beautiful again after that guy I talked about took away your confidence. He will want something really causal, but only do it once. He isn’t worth it. You will actually start to like him. You already like him, and keep that in mind. You won’t want to be his option until something better comes along. Just don’t send that picture when he asks. He will make you feel beautiful and sexy, but he won’t appreciate you in the way you want it to be.

Your ex, the one who you think is your first love, will come back. You will break it up quick though because you pick your new boyfriend (the guy who you will stay with 3 years). Your ex actually just wants to tell you happy birthday and wishes you the best. Your boo at this time will convince you that your ex is just there to see if he can get you, but honestly, you should know your ex. He actually cared about you. Plus, he gets a bombass BEAUTIFUL girlfriend. She is way prettier than you. Honestly, he gets really sexy too, and so it’s okay. You honestly aren’t bother, and you will wish him the best. You will realize that you should’ve kept him as a friend. He would have been best as a friend, but you don’t regret loving him.

Then…

You will do a lot of online dating. You will be a little crazy about it when you first start it in April of 2016, but you will slow down A LOT. You will actually meet some pretty cool guys. You will meet your sexy “David Beckham” who gave you a lot of hickies and do nothing more than just making out. But before that, you will meet some random guy that you rebounded on. But before that when you’re back home for the summer, you will Tinder (I know you hate this app right now) with a guy in AL and he is actually pretty cool just you rebounded again with him too. But before that, you will meet another guy who is BORING but very nice and to this day he still tries to talk to me. You will try to avoid him after hooking up, but you will QUICKLY realize he isn’t your type. Now, after “Mr. Beckham”, you will meet some really nerdy guy. He is actually the nerdiest quiet guy you will encounter and give a chance. You will actually do a lot with him. You will love cuddling and sleeping next to him. He is just really busy and likes to smoke and drink. Pick your battles on that one. He is really nice, and honestly, this is close to my life now that I can’t tell you how that will go. Honestly, you like him, but you’re worried he isn’t interest. Give him some time. He seems interested, and you can tell.

Now, don’t get that license until the end of Fall of 2015…… you will meet the COOLEST old couple on a walk to your class in spring. They will be the best thing you ever had. Just appreciate it and keep going on the ride. That couple will be your family. They become a part of your life. They bring so much life to you, and you won’t realize it until the next year comes.

Overall, my advice is just be you. You will find a time where you aren’t sure what happened to you, but you will find the time to bring yourself back. You will always be you, but it’s okay to get a little lost. You will have one of the worst heartbreaks, but you will grow so much because of it. You will be better, and you’re going to actually graduate college with psychology major with crime deviance concentration. Just keep that in mind. Everything else will be the same.

BTW, You will always have your sister. She will become the life of you, and honestly, you are so happy that she is your sister. You couldn’t imagine a life without her.

Just be happy. Live life. Be YOU

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Clothes. Makeup. Boys. Family. Life. School. My life in a few words.

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