It has been a solid minute since I wrote on this blog. One of the best things about having this hobby is the fact that any moment in my life I can open up about something raw and personal about myself. Lately, I have been caught up in trying to find the one guy I could “chill” with. Why is that so hard? Here is what I have notice about me as a person of this generation and the guys I encounter.
I as a woman who doesn’t know what the fucking hell kind of relationship I need have made my life harder by opening the online dating door, and yes I’m talking about in particular Tinder experience. We all know what Tinder is all about. Hookups. Fuck, we all contribute to that reputation. But, why do we all do it? Why is that even people who want decent, ACTUAL relationships look for it on Tinder? It’s because of the extremely popularity of the dating app. The best odds of getting someone is probably hitting up the biggest dating app (well at least for the younger generation). That’s where I and hundreds of people do wrong. We are looking for something serious in something temporary, but it is harder to go looking on other things like (coffee meets bagel or match.com).
Another thing I very much notice is how tragically hard to get someone who wants the same exact arrangement as you. I would know this. As a senior college student who is thinking about graduate school or law school, I never realized how hard it would be to maintain a life while making sure you keep in contact with family, reading all your material for school, and even just not being FUCKING stressed out. So even getting lucky to match with a cute, smart person, it’s not even the real hardest part. Picking through all the matches and getting yourself into a relationship you ACTUALLY want. I looked on those online dating apps hoping to find someone who would want what I want, but what is that?
We live in this generation where hookups is the new direct way to connect. Yet, we live by the other side of the spectrum where we have dreams of “relationship goals” and “relationship expectations”. We made dating hard for us. I personally know that social media has fucked even just a little with my imagination or ideals of what a “perfect” relationship should be. For some reason, we all want this “casual” dating situation while we get our 20’s situated. Yet, if anything, casual dating doesn’t exist. It may exist to one person doing it to MANY other people, but two people casual mutual dating does not exist for anything.
Besides finding the perfect arrangement, finding the perfect person is harder. Online dating has increased the amount of people I can talk to. It has built up the amount of attention I get from people. Most importantly, it has allowed me to build the habit of being picky. I and anyone who has experienced online dating can relate about the amount of choices we get because of online dating. There are constant amounts of choices. There isn’t just one person you’re talking to. You can talk to hundreds and then cherry pick, but that makes things a lot harder in my opinion. Personally, it made picking a partner more stressful and even longer to find. Not a single person was good enough for me to be content. There was always something off or wrong about the arrangement. So, it was impossible.
Alongside all of those problems, online dating has just made dating lazy for me. I could simply decide to drink wine in bed and swipe through all the guys out there (or at least the ones who decided to online date). I don’t have to go anywhere to meet new people. I can even have multiple conversations before meeting up. I can easily decide if this person and I would vibe even before a date. I just got lazy to meeting people since Tinder and other dating apps have gotten popular.
Maybe this is some rant about online dating, but from experience and what I have heard, it’s sorta true about online dating. There are so many struggles besides even the other kind of struggles (like staying away from rapists and serial killers). It’s hard dating these days, and I don’t know how it’s going to get easier as technology and generations are changing.